The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.

This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.

When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.

Make your goal to attend to your underlying needs and to aim for a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved has their needs met also.

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say.

When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.