In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.

When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.

Power-Over leads to punishment and violence. Power-With leads to compassion and understanding, and to learning motivated by reverence for life rather than fear, guilt, shame, or anger.

The key to fostering connection in the face of a 'no' is always hearing 'yes' to something else.