Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

However impressed we may be with NVC concepts, it is only through practice and application that our lives are transformed.

We do not look for compromise; rather, we seek to resolve the conflict to everyone's complete satisfaction.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.