Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words.

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express needs, the number two reasons we don't our needs met, we don't make clear requests.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

Power-Over leads to punishment and violence. Power-With leads to compassion and understanding, and to learning motivated by reverence for life rather than fear, guilt, shame, or anger.