We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.

What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

Anger tells us we've disconnected from life. The purpose in anger is to use it to come back to life.

You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you.

Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.