We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.

When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values.

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.