Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Money can't buy poverty.

He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta.