If drink sales are falling off, we get the pilots to engineer a bit of turbulence. That usually spikes sales.

The Germans will crawl bollock-naked over broken glass to get low fares.

I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

MBA students come out with: 'My staff is my most important asset.' Bullshit. Staff is usually your biggest cost. We all employ some lazy bastards who needs a kick up the backside, but no one can bring themselves to admit it.

Get back to work you slacker or you're fired.

When you look at the number of stupid people who have succeeded in business, you clearly don't have to be very bright. Business is all about getting your sales up and your costs down, the bit in the middle is profit.

People say the customer is always right, but you know what - they're not. Sometimes they are wrong and they need to be told so.