I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

If drink sales are falling off, we get the pilots to engineer a bit of turbulence. That usually spikes sales.

When you look at the number of stupid people who have succeeded in business, you clearly don't have to be very bright. Business is all about getting your sales up and your costs down, the bit in the middle is profit.

I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

We think passengers who forget to print their boarding passes should pay €60 for being so stupid.

University is the best couple of years of your life. Nowhere else can you drink and chase as many birds.

The unions need to be taken on. British Airways is massively over-staffed and has got to get its costs down. . . . The problem for [chief executive] Willie Walsh is that the board of BA has no spine, no balls and no vision.