I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

It reminds me of two drunks leaning on each other.

I'm disrespectful towards authority. I think the prime minister of Ireland is a gobshite.

The French have never produced a great philosopher. Great wine maybe, but no great philosophers.

I should get the Nobel peace prize - screw Bono.

MBA students come out with: 'My staff is my most important asset.' Bullshit. Staff is usually your biggest cost. We all employ some lazy bastards who needs a kick up the backside, but no one can bring themselves to admit it.

Ryanair's biggest achievement? Bringing low fares to Europe and still lowering em. Biggest failure? Hiring me.