People say the customer is always right, but you know what - they're not. Sometimes they are wrong and they need to be told so.

Ryanair brings lots of different cultures to the beaches of Spain, Greece and Italy, where they couple and copulate in the interests of pan-European peace.

We think passengers who forget to print their boarding passes should pay €60 for being so stupid.

I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

I'm paid about 20 times more than the average Ryanair employee and I think the gap should be wider. I probably work 50 times harder. I think I'm the most underpaid and underappreciated airline boss in Europe.

The most influential person in Europe in the last 20 to 30 years has been Margaret Thatcher. Without her we'd all be living in some French bloody unemployed republic.

We want to annoy the whenever we can. The best thing we can do with environmentalists is shoot them.