If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.

Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.

Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

How can the Bible be "infallible" when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned?