Clark Gable once said to me, "'Acting school?' [If you go,] I'll kill ya!"

I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me.

When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.

It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.