Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

My marriage license reads, 'To whom it may concern,'

God bless the universe, God bless Japanese, Chinese, Indians, all of them and let's have peace.

I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'

I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years.

There were times when I was broke, when I was down in Florida and I had to go to cocktail parties for 500 bucks - to see the guy that used to be in pictures. I'm not ashamed of that. I've never done anything that I was ashamed of. I've done a lot of things I didn't mean to do.

I'm 74 but I feel like I'm 35. And it isn't work. You know what it is? It's fun, absolute fun. I don't know many people who are fortunate enough to be in a business like that.