Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.

I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.

To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. If elder abuse happened to me, it can happen to anyone. I want you to know that you deserve better.

When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me.