A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.

When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.

I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.

There were times when I was broke, when I was down in Florida and I had to go to cocktail parties for 500 bucks - to see the guy that used to be in pictures. I'm not ashamed of that. I've never done anything that I was ashamed of. I've done a lot of things I didn't mean to do.