John Frances, Entertainment Chair, of the Friars Club: Of all the roasts that I have produced for the Friars Club, this is the one that I am most excited about. Mickey is one of the Club's dearest friends, and we wanted to honor him in the way we know best.

I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.

To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. If elder abuse happened to me, it can happen to anyone. I want you to know that you deserve better.

I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.

I don't pick the roles. Your agent gets a call for you and you go and they all get together, everybody has fun at the reading, and they say, "There's chemistry here." So that's how it happens.

The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.

I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years.