I often pray, though I'm not really sure Anyone's listening; and I phrase it carefully, just in case He's literary.

A hypochondriac is one who has a pill for everything except what ails him.

Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.

If you see in your children most of your own faults, you have failed as a parent, but succeeded as a neurotic.

Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition.

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily.

We sometimes feel that we have been really understood, but it was always long ago, by someone now dead.