In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.

I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees.

A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.