Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!"

I feel like everyone wants to make a movie that they feel passionate about watching.

What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

I can always go back to waiting tables, but I won't be very good at it. I'll never be good at it.

They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.