Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.

I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.