Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.