I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.