I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.