I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.