A thing of beauty is a job forever.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.