Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."