Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.