It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.