Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.