Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.