Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."