Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.