The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.