The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.