The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.