In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.