I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.