You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.