You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.