My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

The school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".