The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.