My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.