I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.