A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!