If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.