If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.