To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.