To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.