Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.