I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.