I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details".

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.