I like to think of myself as a reasonable man. But I have buried too many friends in the too-recent past, and I have seen too many lies go unquestioned, and too many questions go unasked. There is a time when even reasonable men must begin to take unreasonable actions. To do anything else is to be less than human.

Nothing is impossible to kill. It's just that sometimes after you kill something you have to keep shooting it until it stops moving

It is what it is. Isn't that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.

Think about that for a moment. They died for you. Now take a good look at the life you're living and tell me: Did they do the right thing?

I require something so horrifically alcoholic that it makes livers tremble with fear and run for their lives when its name is uttered.

Last guy I was interested in turned out to be an incestuous necrophiliac," she said. "So no, not currently dating, and definitely not doing any more shopping in the 'sociopath' category

Some people say I have issues. I say those people need to expand their horizons because I don't have issues, I have the Library of Congress