Think about that for a moment. They died for you. Now take a good look at the life you're living and tell me: Did they do the right thing?

Just once, I want to meet the villain in a cheerful, brightly lit room. Possibly one with kittens.

Danger is a side effect of what I do, not the reason behind it.

Since Dominic's been sleeping with me, the mice have been trying various labels on him, looking for one that fits. My personal favorite was the week they spent calling him "the God of Absolutely Never Smiling, No, Not Ever.

Growing up in my family meant ambushes on your birthday, crossbows for Christmas, and games of dodge ball where the balls were occasionally rigged to explode. It also meant learning how to work your way out of a wide variety of death traps. Failure to get loose on your own could lead to missing dinner, or worse, being forced to admit that you missed dinner because your baby sister had tied you to the couch. Again.

Most guys my age have girlfriends and drinking buddies on their speed dial. Me, I have the Memphis CDC.

Any good Irwin can make going to the corner store for a candy bar and a Coke lood death defying and suicidal.