Life is a series of embarrassing moments which leave you feeling alone in your confusion and shame

Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.

I'll always have to force myself to see the positive, because I'm wired badly, I'd say. I'm just naturally a bit under, a bit depressed.

The embarrassment of a situation can, once you are over it, be the funniest time in your life. And I suppose a lot of my comedy comes from painful moments or experiences in life, and you just flip them on their head.

Get me a skinny frappuccino. I have no idea what that is - I would like to think you would be presented with a tiny Italian man.

My Dear Reader Chum, a very hearty hello to you. What an honour and privilege it is to have you perusing my written word.

My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends'. And Goran Ivanisevic.