I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who has AIDS?". He says, "No". I say, "Cool, because you know me."

I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."