I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Mitch HedbergI have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
Mitch HedbergThere was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"
Mitch HedbergI played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.
Mitch Hedberg