I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
Mitch HedbergKittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"
Mitch HedbergWhen you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
Mitch HedbergI had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they're crackers, that's why I got them. I like crackers! I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates!
Mitch Hedberg