I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want to see yourself having to do this for seven years before you start to get some feedback.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"