I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.