I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!"
Mitch HedbergI played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.
Mitch HedbergI don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "Shi*, I had to be somewhere..."
Mitch HedbergI love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
Mitch Hedberg