If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.