If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.