Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like'

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

People on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.