I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.

P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.