I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."