I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.